028: Sorrow

A/N: I recommend listening to Many of Horror by Biffy Clyro while reading this - I had that song on repeat while I was writing and it just gives it the right mood (You don't have to, of course, but you can if you want the optimum reading experience. xD)

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Ereinion pulled his white wool cloak closer to his body as he walked along the headland with Arrey and Celebrimbor, only half-listening to their conversation as he lagged a few steps behind. The coastal breeze was unusually forceful that day, and Ereinion did not want to think about the trouble he would have when he tried to brush his hair later. He was grateful that he had tied it up in a ponytail, instead of just leaving it loose like he normally did: that would make things at least a little easier. He noticed that Arrey and Celebrimbor were further in front of him than he thought, and he moved to catch up with them when a flash of white caught his eye. He turned back and looked down at the bay, noting with a small frown that a ship was docked in the quay, and being loaded with baggage.

"Ereinion?" Arrey turned back to the prince when his question went unanswered. "Ereinion, did you hear me?"

Ereinion had not heard the question, and he did not hear Arrey call his name, lost as he was in his musings. The figure with long black hair that was directing the transport of the trunks and suitcases seemed vaguely familiar, but Ereinion could not place him. "There's a boat preparing to set sail," he said, mostly to himself. "I wonder who is leaving."

Celebrimbor and Arrey exchanged a glance as Ereinion turned back to them. He saw the looks on their faces and realised that they knew who was getting ready to leave Balar, but apparently did not want to tell him. "Who is leaving?"

His friends shuffled their feet, glancing again at each other and then at the prince, who was losing his patience.

"Who is leaving on that ship? Tell me!"

Arrey sighed. "Vanimon is leaving."

Ereinion's heart stopped. "...What?"

Arrey repeated himself.

The prince looked between his two friends. "How long have you known?"

"We only found out this morning when we heard Círdan giving orders to the deckhands," Celebrimbor explained. "We didn't tell you because we thought you knew."

Ereinion glanced at Arrey, who nodded in agreement with Celebrimbor's explanation. The prince took a shaky breath. "Where is he going?"

"Círdan said he's returning to Arvernien-"

Celebrimbor had barely finished saying 'Arvernien' before Ereinion started running back the way they had come, towards the path that would lead him down to the quay. Celebrimbor and Arrey looked at one another, sighed, and followed him.

Vanimon was halfway down the jetty by the time Ereinion leapt off the last of the steps carved into the rock face and hit the sand running. "Vanimon! Wait!"

The older elf turned at the sound of his name and started to retrace his steps when he saw Ereinion running towards him. He had just stepped back onto the sand when Ereinion stopped in front of him, breathing heavily. The wind was tossing his hair and cloak and he brushed his fringe out of his face only to have to blow back again. Vanimon knew that his own hair was receiving a similar treatment by the wind, but he knew that trying to do anything with it right now would be a futile exercise. Arrey and Celebrimbor stopped running when they reached the bottom of the stone steps but did not advance further, content to watch from a distance.

"You were going to leave without saying goodbye?" Ereinion asked, in an attempt at his usual cockiness that they both knew failed. "I didn't even know you were leaving."

Vanimon shrugged apologetically. "I thought it would be easier."

Ereinion shook his head. "Why do you have to go?"

The wind died down slightly and Vanimon moved Ereinion's long fringe off his face, tucking it behind his ear. "Your father asked me to come here and teach you, and I did; now that you are no longer my student I do not need to stay. Also, my husband was injured in the Fifth Battle and I have been away from him for too long. I haven't seen him since before your father sent you here."

"Your husband?"

Vanimon nodded.

"I didn't know you were married." Ereinion looked away.  His eyes were not filling with tears. They were not. The wind had blown some sand in there, that was all. He was not crying, and his world was not crumbling. "I thought that since you're not my teacher anymore, we could-"

"Be together?" Vanimon asked. He sighed when Ereinion nodded, pulling the younger elf close. He kissed the top of Ereinion's head. "You're beautiful, Ereinion, and smart, and caring, and there is someone in this wide world who was made just for you. But I am not him."

Ereinion pressed his cheek against Vanimon's firm chest and wrapped his arms around the taller elf's waist. "I love you."

"I know," the older elf replied, running his fingers carefully through Ereinion's tangled ponytail. "If I was not married then perhaps I would love you too. But I am, and we are not meant to be."

He placed his hands on either side of Ereinion's face and tilted it up so he could look into the prince's green eyes. He found them full of tears and one slipped out when Ereinion blinked. Vanimon carefully wiped the drop away with his thumb, leaning in to kiss Ereinion's forehead. "Do not cry, my prince. Somewhere out there, there is an elf who will love you as much as you love him. I promise that one day, you will find each other."

Ereinion shook his head as much as he could with his face thus cradled, and looked into his former teacher's stormy grey eyes. "Don't go."

"I must."

The younger elf closed his eyes as another wave of warm tears escaped. Vanimon wiped these away as he had wiped the away the others, and wished that this parting did not cause Ereinion such pain. He knew that if he was not married he could easily fall in love with the young prince, but his heart was already taken and his husband needed him. He had dallied as long as he could, and now the longing in his heart was too strong for him to delay further. Ereinion's arms tightened around his waist and Vanimon decided that even though they would never be anything more than a teacher and his former student, and that this was probably the last time they would ever see each other, there was one thing he could give to the prince.

"Look at me."

Ereinion opened his eyes and did as Vanimon asked. He was as beautiful as ever and Ereinion did not want to be faced with a world in which he would not see this face every day. The older elf's hands were still cupping his jaw and Vanimon used that grip to gently pull Ereinion's face up as he leant down to meet it. Their lips touched and Ereinion's breath caught. The kiss, his first, was divine: Vanimon's lips were warm and soft and the prince carefully returned the kiss they were bestowing on him. His eyes had closed of their own accord, and both elves were unaware of the tears that were flowing unchecked down the prince's cheeks. Vanimon's fingers slipped around to cradle the nape of Ereinion's neck as the younger elf parted his lips a little further. He felt the taller elf's tongue gently trace the curve of his lower lip, and Ereinion was sure that if he had not been holding on to Vanimon so tightly, his knees would have buckled. His heart was fluttering madly in his chest and he decided that nothing could ever be as perfect as this.

And then, suddenly, it was over. Ereinion gasped as Vanimon's lips left his own, and he touched his still-tingling mouth with his fingertips, pitching forward slightly as Vanimon stepped away. He looked up at his teacher with wide eyes, his tearstained face the very picture of despair.

"Shed no more tears," Vanimon whispered, brushing Ereinion's face one last time with the back of his fingers. "You deserve the best that life has to offer, and I wish you all the happiness in the world." He dropped his hand and smiled sadly. "Navaer, ernil-nîn. No in elenath hîlar nan hâd gîn."

"Goodbye," Ereinion whispered as Vanimon turned and walked towards the waiting ship. "Ná Elbereth veria le."

The wind picked up his words and carried them to his former teacher as Vanimon stepped aboard. Ereinion watched as the gangplank was lifted, the ropes released and the anchor drawn up. Vanimon made his way to the stern as the ship drew away from the shore, and waved to the three young elves standing on the beach. Ereinion waved back, and, unseen by the prince, Arrey and Celebrimbor did the same. Ereinion was vaguely aware that his friends had moved to stand on either side of him, that Celebrimbor had slid an arm around his waist and that Arrey's hand was on his shoulder. They watched the ship in silence until eventually Vanimon moved away from the stern and went into the cabins; vanishing from Ereinion's sight and his life, and leaving the young prince to gather the pieces of his shattered heart.